Category: Opinion Piece

Or sometimes the other half is doing their hair or swearing at an engine in the garage.

There is no I in TEAM but there is an I in ‘Partnered Dancing’. So there’s usually some element of solo work.

Before you throw in the towel – the one hanging from your back pocket – and slip into the onesie you can always make like an 80’s Pop Idol and dance by yourself.

Oh oh, Dancing with a-myself,
Oh, oh, dancing with myself
Well, there’s nothing to lose
And there’s nothing to prove, well,
Dancing a-with myself
– Billy Idol

Timing

Find The One

Hanging round the dance floor, waiting for the One, we’ve all been there. Your dance partner has been to the bar twice and you’re still trying to pick up the rhythm.

If only you’d spent those ad breaks during your Come Dine With Me binge to train your ear! Instead you where scrolling Instagram, and here you are attracting the attention of other salsa dancers who are debating whether or not you are in need of medical attention as you try to catch the beat.

There’s an abundance of material on the web (especially YouTube, just search “Salsa Timing” or something) detailing musicality and timing.

You can watch all the videos in the world, but it don’t mean squat unless you train yourself to find the beat. Obviously listening to the music for pleasure will help bucket loads in and of itself, but consciously trying to find the beat in your head will train your ear and mind and will help you so much on the dance floor.

You don’t even have to move off the sofa. You could do this now, you could literally do it now whilst you’re reading this fantastic article.

Footwork

Footloose, but don’t kick of those Sunday Shoes!

If you didn’t guess from the punny header – continuing with the 80’s pop theme, the next section is going to encourage you to practice your footwork.

I’m bored of writing about people taking tiny steps, because now I think people are actively lunging in a shady silent protest. But now your tiny apartment, garage or living room can now aid your positioning and footwork.

A smaller space forces you to not only be creative in a smaller space, but is good practice.

Even partnered routines can be practiced alone, even if you just focus on your form and footwork. Not only can you commit these to muscle memory, freeing up your upper body, but it will also improve your balance.

I know your balance is “OK” now, but you’ll be thankful you’ve trained a little extra on it after your third Rum and Coke and your feet have got it licked even when your mind is still working out what song is on.

Shimmy

Its a nice day for a …. Shimmy

If you’ve been taking a couple years worth of Salsa Lessons and still can’t shimmey then this is for you.

Yes you. Johnny / Madame Gorilla Shoulders.

Unless you’re the Abominable Snowman you probably have some control of movement in your shoulders.

This is your time, you can finally practice the shimmey, body rolls and that fruity hand thing (where it looks like you’re holding a tiny egg) without mockey and judgment.

Unless your better half is trying to watch Come Dine With Me that is, and they’re all like “Sit Down”, “What are you doing?”, “I’m going in the other room, this is weird”.

Again, there’s loads of material on-line (outside this goldmine, obviously). I bet you’ve even covered some form of body isolation in a workshop. But never practiced it.

Well, here’s the time to do it!

I’m Starting With The Man In The Mirror!

Well, I’m gonna wrap this article up with one final tortured lyrical reference.

If you don’t have the luxury of a large mirror,
you can always prop your phone up and set it to record.

You can
dance like no-ones watching then curl up and revel in the cringe factor
afterwards!

Its a bit of a culture shock. We can rule the seas, literally fight wars over tea and make the entire world set their watch by us. But when faced with dancing, smiling and making eye contact with the opposite sex – its enough to make our stiff upper lips quiver.

This is why I thought I’d address the elephant in the room, and address the problems Brits face at Salsa events.

Despite the images of British club life portrayed on television, most clubs on a weekend consist of a huddle of grown men and women having a (gradually louder) conversation over a pint glass.

Around half eleven, a band of women might break form and start dancing around their hand bags to the latest Chain Smokers record.

The guys will watch the ladies, often in silence, before queuing for a kebab on the way home.

We’re All Closet Disco Dancers

Although most notable Salsa Play-lists consist of songs off a 4/4 timing, the kick is not as pronounced or important. Most club music we are used to, we follow a heavy ‘4 to the floor’ beat, the same rhythm we’ve grown accustomed to from the late 70’s disco era.

It takes time for Brit to acclimatise to the new rhythms. A big part of dancing is actually training the brain as well as the body. A lot of Cuban music, even their chart music, has jazz roots and will include more playful rhythms and even a change in tempo.

This is a far cry to to what we usually nod along to in wetherspoons, so it takes time to get used to it.

Our Main Aim is to get Wasted

Europeans will generally enjoy a glass or two of wine with a meal. For a Brit, a couple of bottles is “warming up” before we leave the house.

This extends our first point, that complicated and subtle music does not have a place for a tanked up Brit who is having enough problem trying to feign sobriety to slip past the bouncers and still get served.

Staying perched on a bar stool is enough trouble, and now you expect us to perform subtle footwork and tight turns?

“Just Who Does He Think He Is?”

Showing off is generally frowned upon. If you see a man walk in with expensive jewelry on show, bright colors or – god forbid – a hat then we’ll all exchange a sideways glance at one another and wait for them to be out of ear shot so we can slag them off (because we wouldn’t want to offend them, you see).

We’re actually secretly grateful, and in desperate need, for such characters to grace us with their presence as its gives us something to talk about other than the weather.

We’re naturally very uncomfortable in our own skin and I think when you see someone who it highlights our own insecurities.

So I’ve just written four paragraphs on why a hat would cause a ruckus, so imagine the splash some bloke is going to have if he starts spinning around the dance floor.

There’s No Licensing Involved for this Higher Art Form

Smell Awful

 

Arrive Drunk

Remember that drinking is a competition, so don’t get left behind! You can get a head start on the competition – and avoid those expensive restaurant prices – by getting tanked up beforehand.

Drunk is loud and loud is fun. Your charisma and coordination only improve with every additional unit of alcohol. So bottoms up!

 

Wear Offensive Footwear

I have genuinely seen men in motorcycle boots. These offer fantastic protection for your feet. In particular it will shield your delicate heels from the abrasive and hard toes of other dancers.

Ladies, heels that are as tall and narrow as possible. If you do topple, you can regain your balance by spearing another dancer through the calf muscle. Not only will this add unique styling, but will prevent anyone from outshining you.

Don’t Learn Steps

Why spend your hard earned cash on classes, when you can badger other people for free? If no-one is offering a free tutorial, simply grab someone at random and pull their arms as hard as you can.You’ve seen people do this in the movies, how hard can it be?

Maybe you dance Jive and find yourself at a Salsa night, or only know cross-body but want to try a Kizomba night?

Just power through every track with the steps you know, everyone else is wrong. While you’re at it, you might as well bust out the Macarena during the cha-cha track.

 

Be Really Really Serious

Your face should show that your here to win. Your not a child in need of friends. Second place, is first loser.

Assert your dominance over your partner by staring through them. Tut if they make a mistake. Steer them through each move, and repeat moves they got wrong until you have fixed them.

If the serial killer death stare is not your style, then could always be the cool edgy one who refuses to talk, smile or even look at your partner. A free hand can be utilized to check your phone.

[Bonus] Remember That Everyone is Judging you all the time